I am what I consider to be fat, out of shape and unmotivated. Steve was running a 10K this weekend and I did not participate. It gave me the opportunity to reflect on myself and examine the sadness I felt about my current condition. If I had to choose one word to summarize the place where I am it would be unhealthy. I have been focused on losing weight and building financial security instead of being healthy, which has created a state of discontent and lack of interest in a lot of things.

This process is difficult, but my goal with it is to get my raw self exposed and have it help me evaluate what is important to me. I made a list of my priorities and put how much time I spend on them and rated them according to their importance to me.

Health
Family
Work
Creativity
Socializing

What I found was not surprising. The amount of time I spend with each category is unbalanced with their importance to me. It looks something like this:

Work
Family
Creativity
Health
Socializing

Being aware of the imbalance shown in these 2 lists opens up the possibility of actively being engaged in making different decisions. These lists helped me come up with some ideas of how to put myself back on the path of health.

The next thing I did was evaluate how I feel in relation to my body. I have a muffin top and I do not want to put a swim suit on. When I look at these superficial feelings and look back ( I really don’t like to look back but I think this one is good) at the time when I was the most fit it was really not about how I looked but about how I felt. Even when I was super fit I thought I was chunky. The fact of the matter was I could wake up at 5:30 spring out of bed, work, train, and accomplish my other goals, and sleep well at night. I want that feeling back again!

I have committed to doing bootcamp on Mondays, Thursdays, and possibly every other Saturday morning. This is a good place for me to add to my current running. Another after work habit I have developed is having a glass (or 2 or 3) of alcohol. This is no bueno for feeling healthy! It interrupts my sleep and keeps me holding onto fat reserves to process the alcohol-so as part of my plan to be healthy I will also cut back on my alcohol consumption.

The last thing I would like to execute is to blog regularly. I was gonna do the whole 90 posts in 90 days but that feels a little overwhelming. So, I will write at least once a week for the next 3 months.
Blogging helps me see patterns in my behavior and my thoughts, and I believe it helps keep me honest with myself.

“See” you next week!

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by

drawbacks and discomforts.” Arnold Bennett

So how can sad be a part of my life, really?  Recently I  spent  time sending pictures to GoSonja to add to the crew’s slideshow for our “end of season” party.  You know what?  2010 was AWESOME and has been named “The Epic Off Season”.  There have been drawbacks to my fitness this year.  There have been uncomfortable moments.  But really not many!  In the moment things may seem difficult or not what I would like them to be, but once again I am reminded to look at the bigger picture!  I am HAPPY!

The proof is in my smile.

“We cannot change our past.  We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way.  We can not change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,

and that is our attitude.” Charles R. Swindoll

This past week has been AMAZING!  For me it was the big kick off for super long bike training for Ironman Louisville.  Friday we took off from snowy, cold, wet Denver and headed to snowy, wet, cold Buena Vista for the Buena Vista Bike Fest Century ride.   From Buena Vista Steve and I were headed to Ouray to sit in the hot springs, get another hundred miler in on the bikes, sit in the hot springs, get a good trail run in, sit in the hot springs, get a little recovery swim in, and sit in the hot springs.  Did I mention the hot springs?  Cuz they are INCREDIBLE!!  Lots of bike riding planned and some good training for Louisville….but would the weather spoil our plans?  Not when you are living The Sweet Life!

Saturday morning was the century ride; the snowy ride into BV left us a little worried it wasn’t going to happen.  However, with Bethie along for the ride and determined not to let the weather win and steal a hundred mile bike ride from her,  the plan was to get up and at least start the ride no matter the weather and see what it got us.  We woke up to about 2 inches of snow and a fog covered valley.  The event director cancelled the event for the first time in 12 years.  After much deliberation amongst ourselves as to whether we should just go for it and get some mileage in or go to breakfast and get a good run it, we decided it probably wasn’t safe to be out there on our bikes.  The pass was closed up to Leadville so we wouldn’t have been able to go to the pretty part of the ride.  Breakfast followed by a 2 hour run prevailed.  Buena Vista is a cute little town with some great local offerings.  We ate at the Rooster’s Crow and headed back to our host’s home where we could run up the road and hit the Colorado Trail.

The run was hilarious.  We never did find the Colorado Trail, instead we blazed our own trail up the snow covered mountain.

It was actually a pretty brutal start heading up a mountain at 9000 feet of elevation!  My little heart was a poundin’!!  It ended up being a great climb up to a vista where we followed some animal tracks back to the roads,  and did a little loop around the neighborhood.  After hot showers we all got together at Priscilla’s sister and brother in laws for a feast of a dinner.  Everyone pitched in and made an incredible spread of butternut squash soup, chili, salads, guacamole and chips, fruit, cheese and crackers, all with wine, beer, and water!  I am always so grateful for the friends I have especially when we get to meet new people and sit together at family style dinners.  Over dinner plans were laid for the ride on Sunday as the forecast was calling for a clear, beautiful, albeit a little windy day.

Anyone will tell you living with Colorado weather is wild.  One day we will have snow and the next day it will be 70 degrees.  Lucky for us the forecast was correct, and we woke up to clear, blue, sunny skies and the possibility of an incredible day for biking.  The plan was to head from Buena Vista to Salida.  Refuel in Salida then head back to Buena Vista for another food and water stop  before heading as far as we could to Turquoise Lake in Leadville.  The lot of us got ourselves breakfast and headed out the door.  The weather was a little cool but really quite comfortable for riding.  We discovered we would have a tailwind with us on the downhill to Salida and therefore, a headwind on the uphill back to Buena Vista and into Leadville.  We had a great ride.  Lots of chatting and working together.  Little bits of speed work on the way into Salida and then a good strength workout, both mental and physical, back to Buena Vista.  After coming back into Buena Vista we decided not to fight the headwind into Leadville and called the ride at a metric century.  The surly group of us got back to our homes, changed into running shoes and did a quick 30 minute run, ate leftovers for lunch, then headed to the Mount Princeton Hot Springs.  The Mount Princeton Hot Springs was alright.  It is simply 2 swimming pools with hot spring water in them.  There are also some soaking spots along the river, but they weren’t accessible because of the high waters in the river.  It was nice floating around and chilling with B&P, BT&John, and Jewels.  After a quick soak, it was back to pack and for Steve and I to head off on the 3 hour drive to Ridgway.

I am made for road traveling. I love packing the car up, getting good snack foods, and making my way to destinations while being able to check out the areas in between.  Having the bikes along on this trip was exciting because not only did we get to enjoy a drive together but I also knew we were going to get to experience the area by bike.  After our little drive into town and checking into our hotel, we were off to the springs for an evening soak.  Orvis Hot Springs is very nicely kept and very clean.  The little gardens around the pool are quaint and filled with great plants and flowers.  With the pools being outside and away from light pollution at night you soak in the pools covered by a blanket of stars.  The first time we came to the hot springs was New Years this year.  There was a full, blue moon the night we arrived and we were instantly enchanted and fell in love even more while floating around in darkness.  While melting away the ride from the day before and the drive into town we decided to check with the local bike shop in the morning to decide which route to bike the following day.  The options we came up with were:  to ride to Silverton via the million dollar highway or ride to Telluride via Highway 62.  Danika from Peak to Peak Bicycles was great and informed us of conditions on both routes.  She didn’t speak down to us at all and gave us options for all kinds of riding.  She never made judgement on what kind of riders we were, she just gave us information and left the decisions to us.  I always hate going into bike shops where the staff thinks they are all that and treat you like dork cuz you’re a girl.  I really appreciated her approach to educating us about the different rides in the area.

The ride to Silverton was a hard climb over the pass with no shoulder and a decent amount of traffic.

Video of the Highway

Warning it is 10 mins long and it’s not mine !  But great video of the pass.

Our second option, she told us, was a more gradual, gentle climb over Dallas Divide.  There was plenty of shoulder and much less traffic during the week.  She said it was a gorgeous ride as well and let us know about an additional loop we could add on if we wanted to make the ride longer than the 37 miles each way and add a little more climbing.

We hadn’t driven either of the routes or seen them in our lives, so we didn’t really understand the scope of what she was telling us.

After a cup of Joe from Cimarron Books and CoffeeHouse

and a bomber of a breakfast burrito from the Ridgway Mountain Market

We were off to Telluride!

The day was gorgeous and I couldn’t help but keep looking around.  It was difficult to stay focused on anything except how pretty it was all around me.  Good thing I didn’t have focused training to do!  The goal was to just get more miles on my legs and enjoy the day.

The route to Telluride is 37 miles.  I just can’t seem to do the day justice with my writing.  We climbed 2000 feet in about 12 miles to the top of the Dallas Divide, snapped a couple pics

and headed down the backside of the divide.   It was a nice 13 mile and 1650 foot descent into Placerville.  Although, to be perfectly honest, the long descent planted a little seed of worry into my head for the return trip.  What goes down must go up, right?  I knew I would be hitting the climb back up the divide at about 60 miles into my ride.  So the next thought that went into my head was: “Girl, you rode the double Epic Loop which is just a sick amount of climbing, 160 miles, 12 hours long and you were fine.  This will be tough but you are strong.”

After a quick potty and refueling stop in Placerville…

off we went on another climb into Telluride.

The road travels alongside the San Miguel River.  The fact that we were following a river flowing the opposite way we were riding told me we were going uphill, but it didn’t really feel like that much of an uphill.  However, I guess I was going pretty slowly because Steve pulled alongside me and told me we needed to average 15mph to get to Telluride and start back before it got dark!  He pulled in front of me to block the wind and picked the pace up and off we went.  There was one more crazy climb to get into the little town and to get to lunch!

Telluride lay just ahead.  I wanted to be there so badly!  It was a long straight road into town and in the distance you could see this switch back going up the mountain.

We thought it was Imogene Pass, but after a little research I think it is actually Black Bear Pass.   As I was riding into town, I was thinking to myself that I should go run that and then decided I didn’t want to  Maybe sometime in the future.  We found a great burger place, had a fantastic lunch, and headed back out to get home!

The ride home was sick fast!  It took us about 4 hours to get to Telluride, including our stops for various things and 2 hours to get back to Ridgway.  I had no idea how much climbing we actually did.  And the back side of Dallas Divide, that climb I was worried about… well I kicked that little hill’s butt.  Yeah, I averaged 10mph for the 13 mile ride back to the top.  Boo Yaa!

Thank you to Steve for being my partner and always being the guy beside me telling me how strong I am and how great of an athlete I am.  You are my rock.  Solid and strong.  Always behind me 100% no matter the situation.  You are the one who holds it all together and keeps us moving forward as a solid, strong unit.  You make life a little SWEETER-I love you!

Ahhhh!  I do love traveling and I  love spending time with friends and family but there is just something about being in my own home.  It is like a breath of fresh air.  It is like spring daffodils popping through the thawing soil.  It is like…well, home.  The place I have created for myself and my boys is special to me.  It has shown me that I can make it.  For the past 5 years I had a “partner” telling me I couldn’t make it on my own.  Someone who said he believed in me but everything he did showed the opposite.  I realized as I was writing an athlete’s schedule that I had even given up my personality in this relationship.  So I started adding my personality back into my schedules.  Everything is clear as the spring blue sky now.  I am making it, rediscovering myself, and creating a new relationship with the Andrea who has been wintering somewhere warm but far away.  It is good to be home.

I can celebrate other’s accomplishments once again.  Being proud of my friends warms my heart.  Seeing them working hard, having a great time, and accomplishing their goals is truly inspiring and keeps me pushing harder towards my goals.  Sonja ran 100 miles this weekend.  In ONE day.  In 21 hours and change ( and she chicked a bunch of dudes in the process-rock star).  How awesome is that?  Beth did an adventure race with 3 dudes she has never met before.  How frickin’ brave is that?   A bunch of people got to be out there cheering both of these rock stars on in Moab this weekend and all I can think is, “How cool is that?”  How cool is it that everyone who can gets their butt to Moab to help a couple of crazy women accomplish their dreams and goals?  Once again, I am touched by people’s kindness.  It is good to be home.

My visit with my sister was awesome.  I got to trek all over Austin on my Bro in Laws’ fixie.  I got to run on the Barton Springs Greenbelt and at Town Lake in the warm rain.  My sister is an AMAZING chef.  She has educated herself in the macrobiotic philosophy of cooking and living and she and her husband have become very well respected in their community.  She fed me delicious food infused with love, warmth, and a desire for me to be my best.  I am refreshed and rejuvenated and ready after a long reprieve from training to be back in the saddle again, so to speak.  This past 6 months has been a journey for me.  The path I was on came to a dead end.  I didn’t want to make a left or right turn, I wanted to continue going straight because it allowed me an easy way through.  But alas, I have turned the corner and created a new path.  It is a beautiful path.  Along the way I have rediscovered the things that I hold dear to my heart and have allowed myself to put energy into those things and hold off on training for a little while.  At first there was a lot of guilt associated with it and almost a loss of self.  However, I have been filled with yummy food, lots of exercise, and love from my sister.  I am glad to be home.

The coolest thing about coming home this time is that I got to come home to an incredible man.  He is amazing and I fall in love with him more and more every single day.  The past five years of my life have been spent pretending I had the perfect life when the real story is that I had the most miserable life.  I lacked the basic foundation of unconditional love.  With every triumph, with every struggle, with every smile, and every fit of tears the man in my life is there and with me through it all.  My soul believes in people’s goodness and in the true spirit of community.  Living from my heart and soul and not from fear is so refreshing.  It is good to be home building the foundation for my life from my heart once again.  Ahhhhh.

Jesse came into our lives almost 19 years ago and yesterday afternoon he died on his own terms. He is the second of many animals we have had over the years who has died naturally of old age. Going through the phases of dying naturally is a much different experience than having to put an animal down. Over the past six months Jesse started eating much less and sleeping much more. His walks became shorter and much slower, but he still enjoyed being outside and would smile the entire time. He was a distinguished gentleman, one of those “one of kind” animals. We will miss you old man and we enjoyed our time together!

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live”

Oscar Wilde

Many times triathletes are judged as selfish.  Lately I have been thinking a lot about this judgement.  Are we truly selfish?  It appears to those outside of our world that all we do is swim, bike, run, train, and race.  It quite possibly appears we do these things and have a negative impact on others in our lives.  I, myself, have been caught judging others and creating my story about other’s selfishness.  I have been called selfish.  But are we really pursuing our own interests without regard for others?  Are we being

self·ish  
 concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

This past year I have been spending way too much time reading other people’s blogs.  Mostly triathletes and mostly triathletes with families.  While gnawing on this idea of athletes being selfish I started to note categories on my favorite blogs and put this short list together of some of them that made me question whether athletes are selfish or if it is just a perception we  have of ourselves and if others who are not athletes have as well:

Attachment Parenting
Family
Living Simply
Giving
Friends
Budgeting
Relationships

Is it possible we are the opposite of selfish?

Caring, Kind, Unselfish

In our endeavors to achieve personal goals are we actually having positive impact on those around us?   I started seeing the children of athletes who are taken on adventures and allowed the opportunity to explore and connect with nature.  When reading about kid’s sports activities there were many references to how parents organized their training schedules to attend events and how happy and proud these parents are of their children and how involved they are in their lives.  Spouses appear to be happy supporting their partners through their training and racing.  Friends were commenting about being inspired by our accomplishments.  They were motivated to try harder, do more, go longer, and were genuinely grateful for the impact we are having on the world.   Friends were supporting friends through tough times, truly creating intimate relationships with those around them.  Couples were speaking about creating budgets and living within those budgets.  It appeared more and more to me that these athletes and their significant others create their own rules and boundaries in regards to training, racing, and family.  More importantly, all of the athletes respected these rules and boundaries and organized their time and efforts to not only achieve their personal goals but to also support family goals and personal goals of others in their family.

So here’s my closing.  A lot of time is spent pursuing goals and, at times, I am positive it looks as though we are being selfish.  I challenge you to take a different perspective.  Look a little more closely behind the scenes at the preparation it takes to pursue these goals.  Take a look at the mom who wakes up at 4:30 in the morning to be in the pool at 5am so she can be home to get the kids breakfast and be there to send them off to school.  See the passion in a husband’s eyes as his wife crosses the finish line of a race and observe the pleasure he gets from seeing her succeed and being a huge part of that success.  See the sacrifice a parent happily makes to cheer her son on at his Saturday game.   Remember, the rules of engagement in any relationship are created by the participants in the relationship.  The only ones who have to play by those rules are the ones who agreed to play by them.