I am blessed to have such an amazing group of athletes to work with, but I have to tell you when Laura C. wants to do something with me I get really excited and make sure I make it happen.  The girl is never unhappy.  Never.  Even when there are issues happening in her life she has a smile on her face and a sense of humor about all of it.  Mostly, everything she does is an adventure.  And she makes sure you know it is an adventure!  She inspires many people in her life through her simple act of doing.  She never preaches to people about how they can change or how they can do better or how they can do more.  She simply does more and does better and people follow along.  This girl knows everyone too, and if she doesn’t know you she will by the end of the conversation.  So-I have a great time with Laura.  Whether it is going to the museum, going to lunch, or running up Pike’s Peak.

This year one of her target races was Pike’s Peak Ascent.  Pike’s Peak Ascent is a crazy cool race, but one that requires dedicated training.  Participants come from all over the world; many never get to train at altitude or in the mountains.  I once met a guy who was from Texas, and yes I know Texas isn’t all that worldly, although he was from Austin, and I wondered how he got ready for the altitude.  He used heat training-your heart rate elevates similarly in heat as it does in high altitude.  Anyhow, my point is that we are lucky to have the mountain in our backyard to train on.  So, I got to have an adventure with Laura climbing Pike’s Peak!  Unfortunately, I have been really scatter-brained lately and once again, I forgot my camera-so no pictures.  But needless to say, we had a great time and Laura is killing it these days.  She is a pack horse- steady and strong.  Never really attacking, but running with some gumption and determination.  It has been really cool seeing this girl who had only completed 5K’s and sprint triathlon grow into an “I can do anything” athlete.

But you may be wondering why this story is name Pike’s Peak Revisited.  Well, a few years ago I signed up for and trained for the ascent.  Everything was great.  I ran Mt Evans Ascent for training and did lots of trail running.  The week of the race came and I got really sick.  I figured I would just lay low and take good care of myself and by the time Saturday came I would be healthy. Well Friday night came and I felt better but still was running a fever intermittently , but I still decided to drive down with the girls and see what race morning held.  It was pouring rain on our drive down to the Springs and chilly to boot.  Everyone was a little concerned about the weather and the race being cancelled.  It was an opportunity to get out of town and enjoy a beautiful hotel room and good times with good friends- so on we went.  Race morning was the same:  both health and weather.  I decided not to run the race as it was not my number one goal of the season and getting healthy was more important.  It was a difficult decision but the right decision.  The 2 girls I traveled with headed out to run and I waited in the warm hotel.  One of the gals got about 5 miles up before the race was cancelled and Michelle got about 10 miles in before it was called.  Her day was tough as she had only planned on running 13 miles and ended up running 20!  When the race gets cancelled you just turn around where you are and run back down to the bottom.  Awesome!  It was a good thing I decided not to go as the conditions just got worse the higher up the mountain you got.  So running with Laura up Pike’s Peak was a way for me to enjoy the mountain and show myself again that I was capable of conquering the mountain.

Maybe someday I will run the race, but for now I am content where I am.  Adventures make me happy and not having goals at the moment feels healthy.  For the longest time I believed you had to always have a goal and always be working towards goals to be considered a successful athlete.  How wrong I was.  Even pros take breaks and take time to enjoy the simple pleasure of going out on an adventure.  It makes the times that you are focused on your goals more enjoyable.  If you do the same thing day in and day out it becomes a little mundane.  And that is what I have been doing for the last 5 years.  I rode the same rides, ran the same runs, swam the same swims and, while I will admit it built a sense of tenacity in me, quite frankly, I got a little burned out!  Now when I am faced with running the same running route to prepare for something it seems fun again to have the desire to train and perform.  I know I have to run to run well and I know have time constraints, so I know I am running in the same place but I am willing to do it because I have a more balanced approach to my sport.

“Overcome your chief weakness and inspire others who have the same weakness to overcome theirs”

This past month I read two books:  the first, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and the second, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.  Both books captivated me and compelled me to analyze the outcomes of the choices the women in these books make.  Although the struggles the women face in the two books are very different, all three women find strength through astonishingly challenging situations.

The Glass Castle is Jeannette Wall’s memoir of her childhood.  While her parents did not provide much in the way of food, clothing and shelter,  they did provide love and freedom to exercise choice.  The family continually moved until they settled in her father’s childhood hometown where poverty was the norm, but even in this environment it was clear to Jeannette that she had nothing but her resources.  She worked diligently to save money to get herself out of the situation her parents created for her.  And once the money was saved, twice because her father stole her savings once, she ended up giving it to her sister to get her out of the situation which was selfless. In the depths of poverty the girl was creative, ingenious, crafty, and always seeking ways to feel proud.

The two women in A Thousand Splendid Suns endured things I will never know in my life.  Making a choice to live with a repulsive, older, abusive man to ensure your child is taken care of is a sacrifice that seems unthinkable.  Yet knowing what the options were the choice was straightforward.  These two women exhibited strength and courage throughout the book and finally ended with liberation of sorts.

These stories made me think about strength.  Maybe strength is innate; a part of my constitution.  It is just something I am without thinking about it or needing direction towards it.  Everyone has strengths.  How do we use them in the face of adversity?  Maybe it is simply taking a different perspective on the situation.  Can weaknesses be strengths?  More often these days I am leaning on my weaknesses to define my strengths.  It is like my weaknesses are actually opportunities.  Maybe my weaknesses send me on a different path where my spirit, energy and vitality are nourished and I am able to exhibit my health and tenacity without using great amounts of my reserves.  Or maybe they are opportunities to be tenacious and gut it out and feel empowered afterwards.

These books caused me to evaluate my situations and decide what perspective I want to take on my weaknesses. What are your weaknesses?  How can you grow and use your strength to make the most of them?  I encourage you to take a different perspective.  You might just find yourself smiling when you least expect it.  Have fun with it and get out there and have some fun with it.  After all, we are not victims of anyone or anything but ourselves.

Ahhhh!  I do love traveling and I  love spending time with friends and family but there is just something about being in my own home.  It is like a breath of fresh air.  It is like spring daffodils popping through the thawing soil.  It is like…well, home.  The place I have created for myself and my boys is special to me.  It has shown me that I can make it.  For the past 5 years I had a “partner” telling me I couldn’t make it on my own.  Someone who said he believed in me but everything he did showed the opposite.  I realized as I was writing an athlete’s schedule that I had even given up my personality in this relationship.  So I started adding my personality back into my schedules.  Everything is clear as the spring blue sky now.  I am making it, rediscovering myself, and creating a new relationship with the Andrea who has been wintering somewhere warm but far away.  It is good to be home.

I can celebrate other’s accomplishments once again.  Being proud of my friends warms my heart.  Seeing them working hard, having a great time, and accomplishing their goals is truly inspiring and keeps me pushing harder towards my goals.  Sonja ran 100 miles this weekend.  In ONE day.  In 21 hours and change ( and she chicked a bunch of dudes in the process-rock star).  How awesome is that?  Beth did an adventure race with 3 dudes she has never met before.  How frickin’ brave is that?   A bunch of people got to be out there cheering both of these rock stars on in Moab this weekend and all I can think is, “How cool is that?”  How cool is it that everyone who can gets their butt to Moab to help a couple of crazy women accomplish their dreams and goals?  Once again, I am touched by people’s kindness.  It is good to be home.

My visit with my sister was awesome.  I got to trek all over Austin on my Bro in Laws’ fixie.  I got to run on the Barton Springs Greenbelt and at Town Lake in the warm rain.  My sister is an AMAZING chef.  She has educated herself in the macrobiotic philosophy of cooking and living and she and her husband have become very well respected in their community.  She fed me delicious food infused with love, warmth, and a desire for me to be my best.  I am refreshed and rejuvenated and ready after a long reprieve from training to be back in the saddle again, so to speak.  This past 6 months has been a journey for me.  The path I was on came to a dead end.  I didn’t want to make a left or right turn, I wanted to continue going straight because it allowed me an easy way through.  But alas, I have turned the corner and created a new path.  It is a beautiful path.  Along the way I have rediscovered the things that I hold dear to my heart and have allowed myself to put energy into those things and hold off on training for a little while.  At first there was a lot of guilt associated with it and almost a loss of self.  However, I have been filled with yummy food, lots of exercise, and love from my sister.  I am glad to be home.

The coolest thing about coming home this time is that I got to come home to an incredible man.  He is amazing and I fall in love with him more and more every single day.  The past five years of my life have been spent pretending I had the perfect life when the real story is that I had the most miserable life.  I lacked the basic foundation of unconditional love.  With every triumph, with every struggle, with every smile, and every fit of tears the man in my life is there and with me through it all.  My soul believes in people’s goodness and in the true spirit of community.  Living from my heart and soul and not from fear is so refreshing.  It is good to be home building the foundation for my life from my heart once again.  Ahhhhh.

Melody and I had the opportunity to get out on our bikes for the entire day!  She called me up and asked if I wanted to ride Shadow Mountain.  Oh I thought, that is a lot of riding for my first ride up into the mountains, but why not really? We decided to meet at the famous Deer Creek and Wadsworth meeting spot, we each had ridden about 7 miles to get there and were both already giddy about the weather being beautiful.  I begin to tell her that at the top of High Grade I would know if I would be able to conquer the entire Shadow Mountain ride (remember people I haven’t been on my bike but 3 or 4 times this entire winter).  If I don’t think I have it I will just turn off and do City View, which for the first time in the mountains would make me VERY HAPPY!  She looks at me with a very confused look and states she cannot recall High Grade being part of the route and she remembers that we go all the way up Deer Creek and head over to Parmalee Gulch.  It hits me then, that Melody wants to do the Epic Loop today.  This is an 80 mile ride with like 10,000 feet of climbing.  For those of you who know me, well you know that I am pretty flexible and easy to get along with.   I do not obligate people to stay with me on rides or run.  I am slow.  I know this and accept it.  I love riding with people and always tell those I ride with…”Don’t feel like you have to stay with me.  I know our route and I know how to change a flat.”   With this being said, I agreed to ride the Epic Loop with Melody on my first trek into the foothills of Denver.

That was the clean version of my story.  However, there is a dirty version.  This is the version that takes place in my head…here goes:  Melody calls.  She wants to ride Shadow.  I am up for a bike ride, but am unsure of actually making it up the mountain because I haven’t been on my bike seriously at all this winter.  I know I can commit to starting the ride, but I am unsure of being able to finish it.  I give myself an out:  City View or if it is really bad Deer Creek.   In my head I do not ride fast.  Really I want to ride fast and climb well, but I know I don’t and so I stay stuck in my own story.  I don’t get to bed until midnight because I was working on my race website.  So I know I haven’t set myself up for success.  My stuff is not set out for the morning.   I set my alarm for enough time to get up, get stuff together, and eat breakfast.  Alarm goes off.  I don’t wanna get up.  Again, I see myself turning around and not finishing the entire ride.  Maybe I am too advantageous for the first trip up the mountain.  All of a sudden my mind says:  ”:ENOUGH!!  We ( yes there is more than one of me…my physical self and my mind…oh wait… there are three of me because I also love my bike shadow…she is perfect) are stronger than this.  You will visualize yourself riding the way you know you can and the way you want to ride.”  I make the decision that before I get out of bed I must create a visualization in my mind of exactly what I want the ride to look like.  Honestly, it takes me about 15-20 minutes to go through each climb and see myself the way I want.  It was not easy.  After finishing the visualization I get up and get ready.  Mel and I meet at Deer Creek and figure out the loop Mel wants to do is really the Epic loop and not the Shadow loop.  I simply say I am committed to the ride and will finish it.

Off we go up Deer Creek.  Ever since I did this climb at 3 in the morning I love it.  Riding it in the dark gave me a whole new perspective on it.  When I couldn’t see what I was climbing it was way easier.   We plug along and get up the first climb.  The day is gorgeous and I know I am lucky to be spending the day on my bike.  It is funny how those of us who train through the winter think it is gorgeous when it is 40 degrees and there is still snow piled on the side of the road.   It was one of those gorgeous days.  I didn’t add more layers and I didn’t shed layers.   It was a little chilly going down the hill but not so cold that you are shaking to your bones.  One climb down and three more to go.  Mel decides she doesn’t need to get the back side of Shadow in today that doing the 3 climbs would be great.  Fine with me, but now there is a choice on how to get back from Evergreen.  I pick Little Cub instead of going up 74.  There is less traffic and it is prettier.  But, it means that we are climbing Little Cub!  I just created a clean version of my ride while actually being on the ride.  Visualization helped me a ton today.

The coolest part about it was that I never even had to think about it again.  It just was. Deer Creek, Parmalee Gulch, Kerr Gulch, Little Cub, and the back side of Deer Creek.  All exactly how my mind made it out to be.  It is a hard ride.  There is no getting around that.  But I am pretty bad ass.  Really, I just rode about 70 miles with about 60 of that being in the mountains with my bad ass friend Melody.  I am going to continue practicing visualization.  It wasn’t easy.  I found myself starting off the vision positively and without really being aware I would find myself seeing exactly what I was scared of seeing.  Starting over each time I found myself there helped me.  Each time I went through the story I got a little further through before finding myself having fear or versions of the story I was not satisfied with.  Being diligent and honoring my bad ass self got me through the process with enough time to get up and get ready.  Thank you to Melody for a great ride and great company, and thank you to my mind for playing along with me today.

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live”

Oscar Wilde

Many times triathletes are judged as selfish.  Lately I have been thinking a lot about this judgement.  Are we truly selfish?  It appears to those outside of our world that all we do is swim, bike, run, train, and race.  It quite possibly appears we do these things and have a negative impact on others in our lives.  I, myself, have been caught judging others and creating my story about other’s selfishness.  I have been called selfish.  But are we really pursuing our own interests without regard for others?  Are we being

self·ish  
 concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

This past year I have been spending way too much time reading other people’s blogs.  Mostly triathletes and mostly triathletes with families.  While gnawing on this idea of athletes being selfish I started to note categories on my favorite blogs and put this short list together of some of them that made me question whether athletes are selfish or if it is just a perception we  have of ourselves and if others who are not athletes have as well:

Attachment Parenting
Family
Living Simply
Giving
Friends
Budgeting
Relationships

Is it possible we are the opposite of selfish?

Caring, Kind, Unselfish

In our endeavors to achieve personal goals are we actually having positive impact on those around us?   I started seeing the children of athletes who are taken on adventures and allowed the opportunity to explore and connect with nature.  When reading about kid’s sports activities there were many references to how parents organized their training schedules to attend events and how happy and proud these parents are of their children and how involved they are in their lives.  Spouses appear to be happy supporting their partners through their training and racing.  Friends were commenting about being inspired by our accomplishments.  They were motivated to try harder, do more, go longer, and were genuinely grateful for the impact we are having on the world.   Friends were supporting friends through tough times, truly creating intimate relationships with those around them.  Couples were speaking about creating budgets and living within those budgets.  It appeared more and more to me that these athletes and their significant others create their own rules and boundaries in regards to training, racing, and family.  More importantly, all of the athletes respected these rules and boundaries and organized their time and efforts to not only achieve their personal goals but to also support family goals and personal goals of others in their family.

So here’s my closing.  A lot of time is spent pursuing goals and, at times, I am positive it looks as though we are being selfish.  I challenge you to take a different perspective.  Look a little more closely behind the scenes at the preparation it takes to pursue these goals.  Take a look at the mom who wakes up at 4:30 in the morning to be in the pool at 5am so she can be home to get the kids breakfast and be there to send them off to school.  See the passion in a husband’s eyes as his wife crosses the finish line of a race and observe the pleasure he gets from seeing her succeed and being a huge part of that success.  See the sacrifice a parent happily makes to cheer her son on at his Saturday game.   Remember, the rules of engagement in any relationship are created by the participants in the relationship.  The only ones who have to play by those rules are the ones who agreed to play by them.

I am not one to look back or complain…much.  Sometimes it takes me a moment (or two or three) to see the silver lining.  This is one of those moments where I am challenged to let go of the past and move forward graciously.   Recently I lost my blog to the abyss that is known as cyberspace.  So as not to go into too much detail I will leave it with this:  I am not getting my domain back.  Which means I am not getting my blog back.  The thing that is saddest to me is that I have 2 years worth of posts, pictures, and video that are gone.  It was feeling like my story was gone.  The things I have worked for the past 2 years felt for a moment like they weren’t there anymore.  So for the past 3 months (I did say it takes me a few moments sometimes) I have been unsettled with my blog and therefore have not been writing or posting.  After looking deep inside my soul and letting my ego go for a moment, I discovered the silver linings.

So here are my silver linings:

1. I have a NEW BLOG!!  And I think it is pretty fancy.   Creating new things and compiling new information makes me excited!
2. Looking back sometimes precludes the opportunity to move forward.  It can keep me stuck in the past.  My story may not be on the world wide web but my experiences and what they have taught me are with me all of time.  How I interact with the world and live my life is truly how I share my story.
3. This experience has shown me that I am resting on my laurels.  I am using all of the things I have done over the past 2 years to carry me forward in my athletic endeavors and I am not working the way I know I need to.  This has given me the opportunity to let go and move forward with more than just my blog.

“I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don’t work out, that’s when I’ve really learned.” Carol Burnett