I am in a state of absolute bliss.  60 miles on the bike today and only saw snow in the shadiest of shady spots and along the creeks in the mountains.  I rode by Lair O the Bear and saw mountain bikers headed up and got to thinking maybe a run on the ol’ trail is in order tomorrow.  This last couple of weeks have me out of my training funk and really getting my groove on!! It is a great feeling to be out there enjoying whatever weather Colorado is throwin’ at me and working towards Ironman Louisville.  Thanks to Laura and Stephanie for the nice ride and for splitting a buffalo burger from the Blue Cow three ways.  See, you can have your burger and eat it too!

Good luck to Doreen and Cory racing down in Vegas this coming weekend.  Can’t wait to hear all about it!

Did you know visualization can be used for good and evil?  If every time you are getting ready for a training day and you think about the things that can go wrong or if you think you are going to walk during a run or if you believe you are going to get dropped on a ride chances are things will go just as you imagined them.  The thing about visualization is typically what we visualize is what we believe.  So this has got me thinking.  Can we turn these visualizations into positive visualizations and believe the story we are creating in our mind?

I believe the answer is yes, it just takes practice.  So how do we practice?  Guess what?  It is just like training.  I have been using the time just as I am waking up as an opportunity to visualize the workout I have on tap for the day.  I start from the very beginning and go through all the motions.  Breakfast.  Calm.  Getting dressed.  Being prepared.  Starting out nice and relaxed, calm, and easy.  Then all of a sudden I am going over something in my visualization that I don’t want to see.  I stop and start all over again from the beginning.  I do this over and over and over again until I get through the workout the way I want it to be.   Now that I have the workout the way that I want it in my head I find examples of when things have gone that way in order for me to incorporate belief in the vision.  For me I look back on the workouts or races I am most proud of.  The ones I executed brilliantly or the ones where my running was strong or the training ride I stayed with the pack.

Then off I go on my workout.  Last night I had a 12 mile run on tap.  I spent my time visualizing running strong for the entire run.  I used some of my great runs from the past to help me believe in my capabilities and what I was seeing myself doing.  There were moments where I got a little tired and wanted to slow down and walk but my vision of the workout did not include that and I had experiences to back up my belief that I was capable of running strong.  Sure enough the workout turned out exactly as I had envisioned it.

In a nutshell, positive visualization, for me, has three steps.

1. Being aware of what I am visualizing
2. Creating a vision of what I truly want the workout to look like
3. Relying on my positive experiences to back up the vision- eg: find reasons to believe the vision is possible.

The coolest by product of visualization is that even if my workout doesn’t go 100% as visualized I end up 100% satisfied with my efforts.  This may seem contradictory.  But in my mind it isn’t.  Training and racing is ultimately about doing your best.  It may be that you are riding with riders who average 21mph and you average 19mph.  You will get dropped.  It is just the way it is.  But what visualization helps with is not giving up and giving in.  You can have personal bests and still not win the race.  I hope you will start training your brain to participate in your triathlon adventures.

“Overcome your chief weakness and inspire others who have the same weakness to overcome theirs”

This past month I read two books:  the first, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and the second, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.  Both books captivated me and compelled me to analyze the outcomes of the choices the women in these books make.  Although the struggles the women face in the two books are very different, all three women find strength through astonishingly challenging situations.

The Glass Castle is Jeannette Wall’s memoir of her childhood.  While her parents did not provide much in the way of food, clothing and shelter,  they did provide love and freedom to exercise choice.  The family continually moved until they settled in her father’s childhood hometown where poverty was the norm, but even in this environment it was clear to Jeannette that she had nothing but her resources.  She worked diligently to save money to get herself out of the situation her parents created for her.  And once the money was saved, twice because her father stole her savings once, she ended up giving it to her sister to get her out of the situation which was selfless. In the depths of poverty the girl was creative, ingenious, crafty, and always seeking ways to feel proud.

The two women in A Thousand Splendid Suns endured things I will never know in my life.  Making a choice to live with a repulsive, older, abusive man to ensure your child is taken care of is a sacrifice that seems unthinkable.  Yet knowing what the options were the choice was straightforward.  These two women exhibited strength and courage throughout the book and finally ended with liberation of sorts.

These stories made me think about strength.  Maybe strength is innate; a part of my constitution.  It is just something I am without thinking about it or needing direction towards it.  Everyone has strengths.  How do we use them in the face of adversity?  Maybe it is simply taking a different perspective on the situation.  Can weaknesses be strengths?  More often these days I am leaning on my weaknesses to define my strengths.  It is like my weaknesses are actually opportunities.  Maybe my weaknesses send me on a different path where my spirit, energy and vitality are nourished and I am able to exhibit my health and tenacity without using great amounts of my reserves.  Or maybe they are opportunities to be tenacious and gut it out and feel empowered afterwards.

These books caused me to evaluate my situations and decide what perspective I want to take on my weaknesses. What are your weaknesses?  How can you grow and use your strength to make the most of them?  I encourage you to take a different perspective.  You might just find yourself smiling when you least expect it.  Have fun with it and get out there and have some fun with it.  After all, we are not victims of anyone or anything but ourselves.

Ahhhh!  I do love traveling and I  love spending time with friends and family but there is just something about being in my own home.  It is like a breath of fresh air.  It is like spring daffodils popping through the thawing soil.  It is like…well, home.  The place I have created for myself and my boys is special to me.  It has shown me that I can make it.  For the past 5 years I had a “partner” telling me I couldn’t make it on my own.  Someone who said he believed in me but everything he did showed the opposite.  I realized as I was writing an athlete’s schedule that I had even given up my personality in this relationship.  So I started adding my personality back into my schedules.  Everything is clear as the spring blue sky now.  I am making it, rediscovering myself, and creating a new relationship with the Andrea who has been wintering somewhere warm but far away.  It is good to be home.

I can celebrate other’s accomplishments once again.  Being proud of my friends warms my heart.  Seeing them working hard, having a great time, and accomplishing their goals is truly inspiring and keeps me pushing harder towards my goals.  Sonja ran 100 miles this weekend.  In ONE day.  In 21 hours and change ( and she chicked a bunch of dudes in the process-rock star).  How awesome is that?  Beth did an adventure race with 3 dudes she has never met before.  How frickin’ brave is that?   A bunch of people got to be out there cheering both of these rock stars on in Moab this weekend and all I can think is, “How cool is that?”  How cool is it that everyone who can gets their butt to Moab to help a couple of crazy women accomplish their dreams and goals?  Once again, I am touched by people’s kindness.  It is good to be home.

My visit with my sister was awesome.  I got to trek all over Austin on my Bro in Laws’ fixie.  I got to run on the Barton Springs Greenbelt and at Town Lake in the warm rain.  My sister is an AMAZING chef.  She has educated herself in the macrobiotic philosophy of cooking and living and she and her husband have become very well respected in their community.  She fed me delicious food infused with love, warmth, and a desire for me to be my best.  I am refreshed and rejuvenated and ready after a long reprieve from training to be back in the saddle again, so to speak.  This past 6 months has been a journey for me.  The path I was on came to a dead end.  I didn’t want to make a left or right turn, I wanted to continue going straight because it allowed me an easy way through.  But alas, I have turned the corner and created a new path.  It is a beautiful path.  Along the way I have rediscovered the things that I hold dear to my heart and have allowed myself to put energy into those things and hold off on training for a little while.  At first there was a lot of guilt associated with it and almost a loss of self.  However, I have been filled with yummy food, lots of exercise, and love from my sister.  I am glad to be home.

The coolest thing about coming home this time is that I got to come home to an incredible man.  He is amazing and I fall in love with him more and more every single day.  The past five years of my life have been spent pretending I had the perfect life when the real story is that I had the most miserable life.  I lacked the basic foundation of unconditional love.  With every triumph, with every struggle, with every smile, and every fit of tears the man in my life is there and with me through it all.  My soul believes in people’s goodness and in the true spirit of community.  Living from my heart and soul and not from fear is so refreshing.  It is good to be home building the foundation for my life from my heart once again.  Ahhhhh.

How do we file events in our minds and move on?  Yesterday Jordan Rapp aka RappStar was struck by a vehicle while riding his bike and the driver took off.  I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt.  It very well could have been an accident.  We have all made mistakes, and lucky for us, most of our mistakes haven’t injured or killed anyone.  Knowing what I know about road biking and some driver’s responses to road bikers it could very well have not been an accident.  I have no idea happened with Jordan, but fleeing from the scene, well that is not accident and there is no explanation or excuse that will ever make that OK.  Stop and take care of the situation.  Don’t just leave another human being, spandex clad or not, lying on the ground to die.  Period.  Take responsibility for the mistake.  Taking responsibility for our mistakes makes us more humane and maybe it allows the person injured the opportunity to file the accident in their mind and move on with forgiveness in their heart.   I can only imagine the person who hit Jordan is probably scared shitless.  I would be, but the person should have stopped. That is the real crime.  My heart and thoughts go out to Jordan’s wife and family and wish them strength through this difficult and confusing time.  I have met Jordan twice in my life and both times he has been kind, humble and helpful and my impression of him is that he is a true ambassador of our sport.  Jordan is on his way to being one of the greats in triathlon history.  I hope he has a speedy, full recovery and can get back out there and be everything he is capable of being.

This week I am in Austin TX visiting my sister and it so happens that my good girlie friend Chelsea lives here too.   We were sitting at Genuine Joe’s Cafe catching up this morning and Jordan’s accident came up.  We don’t know for sure what the consequences of hitting a cyclist are, accident or not, but we agreed that stopping, taking care of the injured, and facing the consequences was the only decision.  After a long catching up session we got in her car and headed home along I-35 in Austin Texas.  As we were driving South a guy went running across the Northbound lane in front of a semi and got hit.  Right in front of us.  I watched a man die.   The semi stopped.  All the way back to my sister’s I felt sick to my stomach.  I saw this guy run out in front of the semi.  There was no maneuver the driver could have made to miss this person.  Nothing.  How do I file this event?  How do I put it away and stop seeing the picture in my mind? I took my shower and couldn’t help but think of the poor driver of the truck.  What if no one saw the accident from my perspective?  What if the police thought the driver could have done something differently?  I am unable to file this incident in my mind and move on for the day.  The right thing to do was to call the police and at least tell what I saw.  I am not dramatic and believe me, I don’t like to be involved in drama and do most anything to avoid it.  But I couldn’t help think of this driver and how he must be feeling and I at least wanted to share what I saw to make a more complete version of the story for the police.

I am unsure how to file these events in my mind.   What am I supossed to do with this experience?  Live my life more fully?  Appreciate what I have more?  All the twitter stuff going on about people’s workouts, saying their waitress at dinner last night was incompentent, where people are, what they have, what they don’t have all seems so inconsequential to me right now.  I am a part of that too and it makes me wonder about myself.  What are we really?  Runners?  Triathletes?  Moms or Dads?  Attorneys?  Engineers? Unemployed?  Christian?  Not Christian?  Ultimately we are all human beings.  I wish to embrace my humaness and not connect myself with what I do as who I am but to reach out and connect with others in an intimate more humane way.  Maybe wishing for more for other people I can file tragedy and be settled and calm.  I wish health for Jordan, strength for his wife, compassion for the person who hit Jordan, peace for the truck driver, peace for the man who died today and for his family.

Jordan’s Accident Report

Jordan Recovery Report 3.25.09

Austin Fatality

Great Story-Cyclists and Drivers

Jesse came into our lives almost 19 years ago and yesterday afternoon he died on his own terms. He is the second of many animals we have had over the years who has died naturally of old age. Going through the phases of dying naturally is a much different experience than having to put an animal down. Over the past six months Jesse started eating much less and sleeping much more. His walks became shorter and much slower, but he still enjoyed being outside and would smile the entire time. He was a distinguished gentleman, one of those “one of kind” animals. We will miss you old man and we enjoyed our time together!

Melody and I had the opportunity to get out on our bikes for the entire day!  She called me up and asked if I wanted to ride Shadow Mountain.  Oh I thought, that is a lot of riding for my first ride up into the mountains, but why not really? We decided to meet at the famous Deer Creek and Wadsworth meeting spot, we each had ridden about 7 miles to get there and were both already giddy about the weather being beautiful.  I begin to tell her that at the top of High Grade I would know if I would be able to conquer the entire Shadow Mountain ride (remember people I haven’t been on my bike but 3 or 4 times this entire winter).  If I don’t think I have it I will just turn off and do City View, which for the first time in the mountains would make me VERY HAPPY!  She looks at me with a very confused look and states she cannot recall High Grade being part of the route and she remembers that we go all the way up Deer Creek and head over to Parmalee Gulch.  It hits me then, that Melody wants to do the Epic Loop today.  This is an 80 mile ride with like 10,000 feet of climbing.  For those of you who know me, well you know that I am pretty flexible and easy to get along with.   I do not obligate people to stay with me on rides or run.  I am slow.  I know this and accept it.  I love riding with people and always tell those I ride with…”Don’t feel like you have to stay with me.  I know our route and I know how to change a flat.”   With this being said, I agreed to ride the Epic Loop with Melody on my first trek into the foothills of Denver.

That was the clean version of my story.  However, there is a dirty version.  This is the version that takes place in my head…here goes:  Melody calls.  She wants to ride Shadow.  I am up for a bike ride, but am unsure of actually making it up the mountain because I haven’t been on my bike seriously at all this winter.  I know I can commit to starting the ride, but I am unsure of being able to finish it.  I give myself an out:  City View or if it is really bad Deer Creek.   In my head I do not ride fast.  Really I want to ride fast and climb well, but I know I don’t and so I stay stuck in my own story.  I don’t get to bed until midnight because I was working on my race website.  So I know I haven’t set myself up for success.  My stuff is not set out for the morning.   I set my alarm for enough time to get up, get stuff together, and eat breakfast.  Alarm goes off.  I don’t wanna get up.  Again, I see myself turning around and not finishing the entire ride.  Maybe I am too advantageous for the first trip up the mountain.  All of a sudden my mind says:  ”:ENOUGH!!  We ( yes there is more than one of me…my physical self and my mind…oh wait… there are three of me because I also love my bike shadow…she is perfect) are stronger than this.  You will visualize yourself riding the way you know you can and the way you want to ride.”  I make the decision that before I get out of bed I must create a visualization in my mind of exactly what I want the ride to look like.  Honestly, it takes me about 15-20 minutes to go through each climb and see myself the way I want.  It was not easy.  After finishing the visualization I get up and get ready.  Mel and I meet at Deer Creek and figure out the loop Mel wants to do is really the Epic loop and not the Shadow loop.  I simply say I am committed to the ride and will finish it.

Off we go up Deer Creek.  Ever since I did this climb at 3 in the morning I love it.  Riding it in the dark gave me a whole new perspective on it.  When I couldn’t see what I was climbing it was way easier.   We plug along and get up the first climb.  The day is gorgeous and I know I am lucky to be spending the day on my bike.  It is funny how those of us who train through the winter think it is gorgeous when it is 40 degrees and there is still snow piled on the side of the road.   It was one of those gorgeous days.  I didn’t add more layers and I didn’t shed layers.   It was a little chilly going down the hill but not so cold that you are shaking to your bones.  One climb down and three more to go.  Mel decides she doesn’t need to get the back side of Shadow in today that doing the 3 climbs would be great.  Fine with me, but now there is a choice on how to get back from Evergreen.  I pick Little Cub instead of going up 74.  There is less traffic and it is prettier.  But, it means that we are climbing Little Cub!  I just created a clean version of my ride while actually being on the ride.  Visualization helped me a ton today.

The coolest part about it was that I never even had to think about it again.  It just was. Deer Creek, Parmalee Gulch, Kerr Gulch, Little Cub, and the back side of Deer Creek.  All exactly how my mind made it out to be.  It is a hard ride.  There is no getting around that.  But I am pretty bad ass.  Really, I just rode about 70 miles with about 60 of that being in the mountains with my bad ass friend Melody.  I am going to continue practicing visualization.  It wasn’t easy.  I found myself starting off the vision positively and without really being aware I would find myself seeing exactly what I was scared of seeing.  Starting over each time I found myself there helped me.  Each time I went through the story I got a little further through before finding myself having fear or versions of the story I was not satisfied with.  Being diligent and honoring my bad ass self got me through the process with enough time to get up and get ready.  Thank you to Melody for a great ride and great company, and thank you to my mind for playing along with me today.

From all accounts it looks as though poor, innocent Beth was just running along and all of a sudden POW

Keith was there and took her down.  Here are the following photo accounts of what the takedown:

Anthony’s Account

Beth’s Account

This was actually the first takedown of the day!!

I was positioned right at the last hill before the finish line, which is where MB was stationed for photos and I captured the moment before Keith’s takedown

Love you guys!!

Another great adventure into the mountains with some of my most favorite people!  I love the snowshoe races because they are such a great training opportunity.  Climbing 1500 feet in about 3 miles can only make you a stronger runner.  They are extremely challenging but in the midst of hurting all I need to do is look up for a moment and breathe (I use that term metaphorically as it is really hard to breath when my heart rate is 190 and I’m at 10,000 feet of elevation) and look around at the scenery.  For that moment I forget about the hurt and find myself smiling and giggling and remembering that enjoying the journey is what life is all about.  I have been striving for so long to be faster, better, smarter, more fit that I have forgotten the pure pleasure of pursuing my goals.  Sunday I was able to go out and have a great training day getting stronger for IM Louisville, NB had an AWESOME first snowshoe 10K,  and I got to enjoy the company of friends.

Every time I race I am reminded  that I LOVE it!!  But more importantly I am reminded that I love the community that I am a part of.  Training and racing over the years  has been a catalyst for creating intimate relationships.  Seeing everyone having such a great time out there is cool.  These are the days!  Happy Training!

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live”

Oscar Wilde

Many times triathletes are judged as selfish.  Lately I have been thinking a lot about this judgement.  Are we truly selfish?  It appears to those outside of our world that all we do is swim, bike, run, train, and race.  It quite possibly appears we do these things and have a negative impact on others in our lives.  I, myself, have been caught judging others and creating my story about other’s selfishness.  I have been called selfish.  But are we really pursuing our own interests without regard for others?  Are we being

self·ish  
 concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

This past year I have been spending way too much time reading other people’s blogs.  Mostly triathletes and mostly triathletes with families.  While gnawing on this idea of athletes being selfish I started to note categories on my favorite blogs and put this short list together of some of them that made me question whether athletes are selfish or if it is just a perception we  have of ourselves and if others who are not athletes have as well:

Attachment Parenting
Family
Living Simply
Giving
Friends
Budgeting
Relationships

Is it possible we are the opposite of selfish?

Caring, Kind, Unselfish

In our endeavors to achieve personal goals are we actually having positive impact on those around us?   I started seeing the children of athletes who are taken on adventures and allowed the opportunity to explore and connect with nature.  When reading about kid’s sports activities there were many references to how parents organized their training schedules to attend events and how happy and proud these parents are of their children and how involved they are in their lives.  Spouses appear to be happy supporting their partners through their training and racing.  Friends were commenting about being inspired by our accomplishments.  They were motivated to try harder, do more, go longer, and were genuinely grateful for the impact we are having on the world.   Friends were supporting friends through tough times, truly creating intimate relationships with those around them.  Couples were speaking about creating budgets and living within those budgets.  It appeared more and more to me that these athletes and their significant others create their own rules and boundaries in regards to training, racing, and family.  More importantly, all of the athletes respected these rules and boundaries and organized their time and efforts to not only achieve their personal goals but to also support family goals and personal goals of others in their family.

So here’s my closing.  A lot of time is spent pursuing goals and, at times, I am positive it looks as though we are being selfish.  I challenge you to take a different perspective.  Look a little more closely behind the scenes at the preparation it takes to pursue these goals.  Take a look at the mom who wakes up at 4:30 in the morning to be in the pool at 5am so she can be home to get the kids breakfast and be there to send them off to school.  See the passion in a husband’s eyes as his wife crosses the finish line of a race and observe the pleasure he gets from seeing her succeed and being a huge part of that success.  See the sacrifice a parent happily makes to cheer her son on at his Saturday game.   Remember, the rules of engagement in any relationship are created by the participants in the relationship.  The only ones who have to play by those rules are the ones who agreed to play by them.