This past week has been AMAZING!  For me it was the big kick off for super long bike training for Ironman Louisville.  Friday we took off from snowy, cold, wet Denver and headed to snowy, wet, cold Buena Vista for the Buena Vista Bike Fest Century ride.   From Buena Vista Steve and I were headed to Ouray to sit in the hot springs, get another hundred miler in on the bikes, sit in the hot springs, get a good trail run in, sit in the hot springs, get a little recovery swim in, and sit in the hot springs.  Did I mention the hot springs?  Cuz they are INCREDIBLE!!  Lots of bike riding planned and some good training for Louisville….but would the weather spoil our plans?  Not when you are living The Sweet Life!

Saturday morning was the century ride; the snowy ride into BV left us a little worried it wasn’t going to happen.  However, with Bethie along for the ride and determined not to let the weather win and steal a hundred mile bike ride from her,  the plan was to get up and at least start the ride no matter the weather and see what it got us.  We woke up to about 2 inches of snow and a fog covered valley.  The event director cancelled the event for the first time in 12 years.  After much deliberation amongst ourselves as to whether we should just go for it and get some mileage in or go to breakfast and get a good run it, we decided it probably wasn’t safe to be out there on our bikes.  The pass was closed up to Leadville so we wouldn’t have been able to go to the pretty part of the ride.  Breakfast followed by a 2 hour run prevailed.  Buena Vista is a cute little town with some great local offerings.  We ate at the Rooster’s Crow and headed back to our host’s home where we could run up the road and hit the Colorado Trail.

The run was hilarious.  We never did find the Colorado Trail, instead we blazed our own trail up the snow covered mountain.

It was actually a pretty brutal start heading up a mountain at 9000 feet of elevation!  My little heart was a poundin’!!  It ended up being a great climb up to a vista where we followed some animal tracks back to the roads,  and did a little loop around the neighborhood.  After hot showers we all got together at Priscilla’s sister and brother in laws for a feast of a dinner.  Everyone pitched in and made an incredible spread of butternut squash soup, chili, salads, guacamole and chips, fruit, cheese and crackers, all with wine, beer, and water!  I am always so grateful for the friends I have especially when we get to meet new people and sit together at family style dinners.  Over dinner plans were laid for the ride on Sunday as the forecast was calling for a clear, beautiful, albeit a little windy day.

Anyone will tell you living with Colorado weather is wild.  One day we will have snow and the next day it will be 70 degrees.  Lucky for us the forecast was correct, and we woke up to clear, blue, sunny skies and the possibility of an incredible day for biking.  The plan was to head from Buena Vista to Salida.  Refuel in Salida then head back to Buena Vista for another food and water stop  before heading as far as we could to Turquoise Lake in Leadville.  The lot of us got ourselves breakfast and headed out the door.  The weather was a little cool but really quite comfortable for riding.  We discovered we would have a tailwind with us on the downhill to Salida and therefore, a headwind on the uphill back to Buena Vista and into Leadville.  We had a great ride.  Lots of chatting and working together.  Little bits of speed work on the way into Salida and then a good strength workout, both mental and physical, back to Buena Vista.  After coming back into Buena Vista we decided not to fight the headwind into Leadville and called the ride at a metric century.  The surly group of us got back to our homes, changed into running shoes and did a quick 30 minute run, ate leftovers for lunch, then headed to the Mount Princeton Hot Springs.  The Mount Princeton Hot Springs was alright.  It is simply 2 swimming pools with hot spring water in them.  There are also some soaking spots along the river, but they weren’t accessible because of the high waters in the river.  It was nice floating around and chilling with B&P, BT&John, and Jewels.  After a quick soak, it was back to pack and for Steve and I to head off on the 3 hour drive to Ridgway.

I am made for road traveling. I love packing the car up, getting good snack foods, and making my way to destinations while being able to check out the areas in between.  Having the bikes along on this trip was exciting because not only did we get to enjoy a drive together but I also knew we were going to get to experience the area by bike.  After our little drive into town and checking into our hotel, we were off to the springs for an evening soak.  Orvis Hot Springs is very nicely kept and very clean.  The little gardens around the pool are quaint and filled with great plants and flowers.  With the pools being outside and away from light pollution at night you soak in the pools covered by a blanket of stars.  The first time we came to the hot springs was New Years this year.  There was a full, blue moon the night we arrived and we were instantly enchanted and fell in love even more while floating around in darkness.  While melting away the ride from the day before and the drive into town we decided to check with the local bike shop in the morning to decide which route to bike the following day.  The options we came up with were:  to ride to Silverton via the million dollar highway or ride to Telluride via Highway 62.  Danika from Peak to Peak Bicycles was great and informed us of conditions on both routes.  She didn’t speak down to us at all and gave us options for all kinds of riding.  She never made judgement on what kind of riders we were, she just gave us information and left the decisions to us.  I always hate going into bike shops where the staff thinks they are all that and treat you like dork cuz you’re a girl.  I really appreciated her approach to educating us about the different rides in the area.

The ride to Silverton was a hard climb over the pass with no shoulder and a decent amount of traffic.

Video of the Highway

Warning it is 10 mins long and it’s not mine !  But great video of the pass.

Our second option, she told us, was a more gradual, gentle climb over Dallas Divide.  There was plenty of shoulder and much less traffic during the week.  She said it was a gorgeous ride as well and let us know about an additional loop we could add on if we wanted to make the ride longer than the 37 miles each way and add a little more climbing.

We hadn’t driven either of the routes or seen them in our lives, so we didn’t really understand the scope of what she was telling us.

After a cup of Joe from Cimarron Books and CoffeeHouse

and a bomber of a breakfast burrito from the Ridgway Mountain Market

We were off to Telluride!

The day was gorgeous and I couldn’t help but keep looking around.  It was difficult to stay focused on anything except how pretty it was all around me.  Good thing I didn’t have focused training to do!  The goal was to just get more miles on my legs and enjoy the day.

The route to Telluride is 37 miles.  I just can’t seem to do the day justice with my writing.  We climbed 2000 feet in about 12 miles to the top of the Dallas Divide, snapped a couple pics

and headed down the backside of the divide.   It was a nice 13 mile and 1650 foot descent into Placerville.  Although, to be perfectly honest, the long descent planted a little seed of worry into my head for the return trip.  What goes down must go up, right?  I knew I would be hitting the climb back up the divide at about 60 miles into my ride.  So the next thought that went into my head was: “Girl, you rode the double Epic Loop which is just a sick amount of climbing, 160 miles, 12 hours long and you were fine.  This will be tough but you are strong.”

After a quick potty and refueling stop in Placerville…

off we went on another climb into Telluride.

The road travels alongside the San Miguel River.  The fact that we were following a river flowing the opposite way we were riding told me we were going uphill, but it didn’t really feel like that much of an uphill.  However, I guess I was going pretty slowly because Steve pulled alongside me and told me we needed to average 15mph to get to Telluride and start back before it got dark!  He pulled in front of me to block the wind and picked the pace up and off we went.  There was one more crazy climb to get into the little town and to get to lunch!

Telluride lay just ahead.  I wanted to be there so badly!  It was a long straight road into town and in the distance you could see this switch back going up the mountain.

We thought it was Imogene Pass, but after a little research I think it is actually Black Bear Pass.   As I was riding into town, I was thinking to myself that I should go run that and then decided I didn’t want to  Maybe sometime in the future.  We found a great burger place, had a fantastic lunch, and headed back out to get home!

The ride home was sick fast!  It took us about 4 hours to get to Telluride, including our stops for various things and 2 hours to get back to Ridgway.  I had no idea how much climbing we actually did.  And the back side of Dallas Divide, that climb I was worried about… well I kicked that little hill’s butt.  Yeah, I averaged 10mph for the 13 mile ride back to the top.  Boo Yaa!

Thank you to Steve for being my partner and always being the guy beside me telling me how strong I am and how great of an athlete I am.  You are my rock.  Solid and strong.  Always behind me 100% no matter the situation.  You are the one who holds it all together and keeps us moving forward as a solid, strong unit.  You make life a little SWEETER-I love you!

Even though it was not a triathlon (jealous of Beth,Tony, goSonja, gofastMichelle, and Tyler who got to tri in Knoxville at Rev3), it was a race.  I was nervous because my winter was different from my last 7 winters of training hard.  This last winter consisted of some running some biking, and some swimming-but nothing I would really call training.  Three weeks ago I decided I wanted to work with someone to coach me and so my training really began then-for the Colorado Marathon.  People work like 3 months getting ready for marathons-what was I thinking?!  Would I really be able to run a marathon?  The last marathon distance I set out to run saw me get 23 miles in 6 hours and a hurt IT band.  We decided I had enough base that I could finish the marathon and that I would use it as a stepping stone for getting my running mileage back up for the real goal of the year-Ironman Louisville.  So with three solid weeks of great training I was off to run a marathon without letting my heart rate go above 160.  Leave my ego on the bus.

Saturday afternoon we headed up later than I would have liked to packet pick up, got our stuff, and met up with Nicole, Christine, John, and Keith at the hotel and decided to go out to dinner together.  Every place in old Fort Collins was packed and had a waiting list of an hour and a half, which would have put us eating at 8:30 at night!  Stressful!!  So we split up into 2′s and put reservations in at 3 different restaurants….John and Keith got us in at Rasta Pasta!  Yeah.  I had Jamaica Tortellini Mon which was tortellini, rotini pasta, bananas, pineapple, and grapes.  It was light and delicious and I ate the whole thing-oops!  By the end of dinner I was pooped!  The stress of getting to packet pick up, finding food, and then having to find a friend’s house where we were staying was getting me.  After our good luck and good night hugs from friends Steve and I were off to find our bed for the night.

His friend’s front yard was SO COOL!  There was a little picket fence surrounding a really cool water feature that was all lit up for us.  There was no way I could hold on to the little bit of stress I was carrying around after walking to the front door.  Steve’s friend was staying with his girlfriend so we had the place to ourselves, which was a good thing because I really wanted to get my stuff ready for the morning and go to bed.  Now you all have to remember, I have spent years percolating perfect pre race conditions, so the first race on my own and I let a few things go, like having a glass of wine at dinner and getting to packet pick up really late, and eating later than I would have liked, but I couldn’t let the “I have to be the first person there” monkey go.  The bus was taking us up at 4:00am.  After getting our stuff all set for the morning I set the alarm for 3:15 and hit the pillows at 10:15.  3:15 jump out of bed (Sorry goSonja-no picture of the jump out of bed), dressed, fill water bottle, make an egg sandwich, and get to the bus station at 3:50.  Damn I’m good-Steve thinks I am a little crazy, but it was perfect for me.  We got to sit together on the way up and rest, we didn’t have any problem getting a parking spot, and I was comfortable.  Honestly, I was nervous about the marathon, so taking the stress out of race morning was important to me.  I put my headphones in on the ride up and used the time to relax and visualize my day.

The marathon start is up in a canyon and right alongside the river.  It was beautiful, albeit a little bit cold at 4:55am.  I was glad I had Steve to snuggle with on a park bench to try to stay warm.   We got to be the first people to use the porta potties without having to wait in line at all.  Just being able to hang out and relax before the race even though Steve was sniffling a little bit about being there too early, and whose silly idea was it to run a marathon, and next time we will….  Wait…did he just say there was going to be a next time?  I think he’s hooked  Before we knew it we were stripping out of our warm clothes, putting sunblock on, and heading over to the start line!  I saw Keith and John and got my good luck hugs and looked for Doreen without luck.  The gun went off and off I went.

Steve and I ran the first mile together and then he was on his way and I settled into myself and took a moment to enjoy the canyon, listen to the river, and be grateful for my life and smile.  The last run I had before the marathon was really hard and it was really uncomfortable and I was very happy that I was feeling good.  Lately, I have been having to use my inhaler.  Most people don’t know this, but I have asthma and have had it since I was 3 years old.  For some reason, this last few months it has been bothering me.  That last training run that didn’t feel good, I did not use my medicine before the run and I was wheezing.  So, I used my meds before the marathon and once during and it helped me breath a little easier.  The last lung capacity test I took showed that I used 70% of my lung capability, so for me using an inhaler just brings me to almost normal lung capacity.  Anyhow, LOTS of people passed me but I knew right where I supposed to be.  Heart Rate needed to be at 135-140 and I did that knowing it would help me the last few miles.  A few minutes into the run I knew I was going to have to use a bathroom.  There was no place to sneak off into the bushes on this course!  Every aid station had porta potties but they all had lines and it wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t wait for a bathroom without a line.  Finally, around mile 8 there was an aid station at the fire house where there wasn’t a line.  So into the bathroom I went, did my thing, and headed back out to run feeling much more comfortable.  From that point I was actually racing.

I put my tunes in, took off my jacket, and started picking people off.  No one passed me from that point on.  Not one person.  I was amazed that I was racing.  It was very exciting to me to be having these feelings of competition.  Last year at Rage was the first time I discovered that sense of competition.  I really did not expect it for the marathon and was quite excited to have it rear its head so early in the season. I would see someone in front of me and just put my head down, stay within myself and catch up.  From there I would take inventory for a quick second:  Should I stay on this person’s shoulder or should I keep going?  Every time I kept going.  One after the other after the other.  Big hill mile 18-19.  Run up the hill-you are strong on the hills girl. Everyone is walking.  Pass em up.  I just kept going and going and going.  I was working, but keeping my heart rate down, staying in control never crossing that I’m going to die line and just fascinating myself.  I really have to take moments like these and think about how cool it is that I can go out and run a marathon without really training.  While it is not the most ideal circumstance and I don’t recommend it, it is cool to know I have enough fitness to get me through a marathon.  This leaves me feeling like I am well on my way to Louisville.

The last nine miles were tough.  I broke them up into three 5K’s.  While I was not fast by any stretch of the imagination the only time I walked was when I took on fuel.  Running strong into the finish was pretty cool.  My perception of  26.2 miles is totally different than the first time I ran a marathon.  Having done multiple 30+ runs in the last year, finishing an Ironman, running rim to rim to rim at the Grand Canyon, running the Catalina 50 mile race, and having a 17 hour training day have really done great things for my mind and body.  While I know not everyone wishes to do these types of endurance events,  they have given me confidence.  However, the coolest thing about the entire day was when I finished Steve was there with a huge smile on his face!  Not only was I proud of myself, but he was proud of me too.  A few times during the run when I wanted to slow down or walk I thought of the people who have been behind me this past year and it helped me feel like I was giving something back to them.    There is nothing in the world I would trade for the friendships I have made, the relationship with my family, and for the man I am creating my ultimate partnership with.  These are the things that help keep me running!

Congratulations to:

David Hart: 3:05:21  3rd Overall Masters

Michelle Hart: 3:49:02   Qualified for Boston

Keith Negri:3:46:06 (Doing 50 races in his 50th year-Congrats dude!)

John Murtaugh:4:10:51 ( One of my favorite people to see come get me at the end of a long day)

Steve Rogers: 4:17:13 (first marathon in 10 years!!)

Doreen DeRoss: 5:20:51 (Getting ready for Ironman Louisville)

Sooo…BAMF= Bad A$$ Mother F**&$#@!  And SAMF=Stupid A$$ Mother F*&%$@*.

Today I was a BAMF, but could have been a SAMF.  I started my ride from Boulder to Littleton (about 50 miles) at 2:30.  It was cold and raining.  I didn’t really want to go, but I had my kiddo take me up to Boulder and drop me off with my bike and take off.  All the way up as it was raining I kept saying I didn’t think it was a good idea, and that I was pretty sure I was stupid.  He, very lovingly mind you, said, “Mom, you are a pussy.  I play rugby in snow, melting snow, rain, sleet, freezing cold and you don’t ever hear me complain.”  I was shut up by my 17 almost 18 year old.  He was right.  I have never had the opportunity to race in acclimate weather, but what if it happens?  Am I prepared?  I intentionally do not sign up for the Harvest Moon Long Course in September because the chances of the weather being cold and wet are high.  I do not like to be cold.  So here was an opportunity staring me in the face.  Get on my bike and go!

Well, I did it.  Averaging about 15mph I rode my bundled up butt home from Boulder.  I was lucky enough to have the beau with me to freeze as well.  I am so proud of him because he did a 20 mile run in the morning and then met me to drag my arse all the way back to Littleton.  What a stud-I’m just sayin.  We had a great time and even stopped at Wendy’s  really fast for a bite to eat cuz neither one of us ate lunch (bad coach, I know…).  This was my first time riding on the Morgul-Bismark course from the Coors Classic.  The hump-not so bad.  The WALL-  a one mile gradual incline that ends with a 12% grade.  Not so bad either, so I was left wondering why everyone who talks about that course talks about the wall like it was something super evil.  Well come to find out the wall is at the end of a 13.1 mile loop that racers looped 8 times!  Yeah that is 104+ miles.  Yikes!!  The Wall is kinda crazy 8 times in a race!  After climbing the wall and heading into Golden the weather really cleared up.  We took our rain jackets off and enjoyed the rest of the ride in pretty dry, moderately cool conditions.

So, Shaun I am not a pussy!  However, I do know that my preference is to exercise outside in nice weather, who doesn’t really?  Overall, I am a tough cookie and am willing to head out on an adventure and get a little dirty and I like that about myself. I just commented to the beau, who is lying in bed reading, that we didn’t take any pictures either.  He said, “Really do we need to take pictures?  I am not a picture kinda guy.” Really? Does he not know that I love my pictures?  Next time there will be pics

On Janury 17, 2010 it was announced by the Boulder Daily Camera the city of Superior Colorado is bringing back the race beginning Memorial Day weekend 2010. The race is being re-named “Superior Morgul Classic”. The three day event will encompass a wide range of race events, art festival, music, and a public showing of the movie “American Flyers”. The current plan is to continue the event until 2014 – depending on its success.

I am in a state of absolute bliss.  60 miles on the bike today and only saw snow in the shadiest of shady spots and along the creeks in the mountains.  I rode by Lair O the Bear and saw mountain bikers headed up and got to thinking maybe a run on the ol’ trail is in order tomorrow.  This last couple of weeks have me out of my training funk and really getting my groove on!! It is a great feeling to be out there enjoying whatever weather Colorado is throwin’ at me and working towards Ironman Louisville.  Thanks to Laura and Stephanie for the nice ride and for splitting a buffalo burger from the Blue Cow three ways.  See, you can have your burger and eat it too!

Good luck to Doreen and Cory racing down in Vegas this coming weekend.  Can’t wait to hear all about it!

Did you know visualization can be used for good and evil?  If every time you are getting ready for a training day and you think about the things that can go wrong or if you think you are going to walk during a run or if you believe you are going to get dropped on a ride chances are things will go just as you imagined them.  The thing about visualization is typically what we visualize is what we believe.  So this has got me thinking.  Can we turn these visualizations into positive visualizations and believe the story we are creating in our mind?

I believe the answer is yes, it just takes practice.  So how do we practice?  Guess what?  It is just like training.  I have been using the time just as I am waking up as an opportunity to visualize the workout I have on tap for the day.  I start from the very beginning and go through all the motions.  Breakfast.  Calm.  Getting dressed.  Being prepared.  Starting out nice and relaxed, calm, and easy.  Then all of a sudden I am going over something in my visualization that I don’t want to see.  I stop and start all over again from the beginning.  I do this over and over and over again until I get through the workout the way I want it to be.   Now that I have the workout the way that I want it in my head I find examples of when things have gone that way in order for me to incorporate belief in the vision.  For me I look back on the workouts or races I am most proud of.  The ones I executed brilliantly or the ones where my running was strong or the training ride I stayed with the pack.

Then off I go on my workout.  Last night I had a 12 mile run on tap.  I spent my time visualizing running strong for the entire run.  I used some of my great runs from the past to help me believe in my capabilities and what I was seeing myself doing.  There were moments where I got a little tired and wanted to slow down and walk but my vision of the workout did not include that and I had experiences to back up my belief that I was capable of running strong.  Sure enough the workout turned out exactly as I had envisioned it.

In a nutshell, positive visualization, for me, has three steps.

1. Being aware of what I am visualizing
2. Creating a vision of what I truly want the workout to look like
3. Relying on my positive experiences to back up the vision- eg: find reasons to believe the vision is possible.

The coolest by product of visualization is that even if my workout doesn’t go 100% as visualized I end up 100% satisfied with my efforts.  This may seem contradictory.  But in my mind it isn’t.  Training and racing is ultimately about doing your best.  It may be that you are riding with riders who average 21mph and you average 19mph.  You will get dropped.  It is just the way it is.  But what visualization helps with is not giving up and giving in.  You can have personal bests and still not win the race.  I hope you will start training your brain to participate in your triathlon adventures.

“Overcome your chief weakness and inspire others who have the same weakness to overcome theirs”

This past month I read two books:  the first, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and the second, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.  Both books captivated me and compelled me to analyze the outcomes of the choices the women in these books make.  Although the struggles the women face in the two books are very different, all three women find strength through astonishingly challenging situations.

The Glass Castle is Jeannette Wall’s memoir of her childhood.  While her parents did not provide much in the way of food, clothing and shelter,  they did provide love and freedom to exercise choice.  The family continually moved until they settled in her father’s childhood hometown where poverty was the norm, but even in this environment it was clear to Jeannette that she had nothing but her resources.  She worked diligently to save money to get herself out of the situation her parents created for her.  And once the money was saved, twice because her father stole her savings once, she ended up giving it to her sister to get her out of the situation which was selfless. In the depths of poverty the girl was creative, ingenious, crafty, and always seeking ways to feel proud.

The two women in A Thousand Splendid Suns endured things I will never know in my life.  Making a choice to live with a repulsive, older, abusive man to ensure your child is taken care of is a sacrifice that seems unthinkable.  Yet knowing what the options were the choice was straightforward.  These two women exhibited strength and courage throughout the book and finally ended with liberation of sorts.

These stories made me think about strength.  Maybe strength is innate; a part of my constitution.  It is just something I am without thinking about it or needing direction towards it.  Everyone has strengths.  How do we use them in the face of adversity?  Maybe it is simply taking a different perspective on the situation.  Can weaknesses be strengths?  More often these days I am leaning on my weaknesses to define my strengths.  It is like my weaknesses are actually opportunities.  Maybe my weaknesses send me on a different path where my spirit, energy and vitality are nourished and I am able to exhibit my health and tenacity without using great amounts of my reserves.  Or maybe they are opportunities to be tenacious and gut it out and feel empowered afterwards.

These books caused me to evaluate my situations and decide what perspective I want to take on my weaknesses. What are your weaknesses?  How can you grow and use your strength to make the most of them?  I encourage you to take a different perspective.  You might just find yourself smiling when you least expect it.  Have fun with it and get out there and have some fun with it.  After all, we are not victims of anyone or anything but ourselves.

Ahhhh!  I do love traveling and I  love spending time with friends and family but there is just something about being in my own home.  It is like a breath of fresh air.  It is like spring daffodils popping through the thawing soil.  It is like…well, home.  The place I have created for myself and my boys is special to me.  It has shown me that I can make it.  For the past 5 years I had a “partner” telling me I couldn’t make it on my own.  Someone who said he believed in me but everything he did showed the opposite.  I realized as I was writing an athlete’s schedule that I had even given up my personality in this relationship.  So I started adding my personality back into my schedules.  Everything is clear as the spring blue sky now.  I am making it, rediscovering myself, and creating a new relationship with the Andrea who has been wintering somewhere warm but far away.  It is good to be home.

I can celebrate other’s accomplishments once again.  Being proud of my friends warms my heart.  Seeing them working hard, having a great time, and accomplishing their goals is truly inspiring and keeps me pushing harder towards my goals.  Sonja ran 100 miles this weekend.  In ONE day.  In 21 hours and change ( and she chicked a bunch of dudes in the process-rock star).  How awesome is that?  Beth did an adventure race with 3 dudes she has never met before.  How frickin’ brave is that?   A bunch of people got to be out there cheering both of these rock stars on in Moab this weekend and all I can think is, “How cool is that?”  How cool is it that everyone who can gets their butt to Moab to help a couple of crazy women accomplish their dreams and goals?  Once again, I am touched by people’s kindness.  It is good to be home.

My visit with my sister was awesome.  I got to trek all over Austin on my Bro in Laws’ fixie.  I got to run on the Barton Springs Greenbelt and at Town Lake in the warm rain.  My sister is an AMAZING chef.  She has educated herself in the macrobiotic philosophy of cooking and living and she and her husband have become very well respected in their community.  She fed me delicious food infused with love, warmth, and a desire for me to be my best.  I am refreshed and rejuvenated and ready after a long reprieve from training to be back in the saddle again, so to speak.  This past 6 months has been a journey for me.  The path I was on came to a dead end.  I didn’t want to make a left or right turn, I wanted to continue going straight because it allowed me an easy way through.  But alas, I have turned the corner and created a new path.  It is a beautiful path.  Along the way I have rediscovered the things that I hold dear to my heart and have allowed myself to put energy into those things and hold off on training for a little while.  At first there was a lot of guilt associated with it and almost a loss of self.  However, I have been filled with yummy food, lots of exercise, and love from my sister.  I am glad to be home.

The coolest thing about coming home this time is that I got to come home to an incredible man.  He is amazing and I fall in love with him more and more every single day.  The past five years of my life have been spent pretending I had the perfect life when the real story is that I had the most miserable life.  I lacked the basic foundation of unconditional love.  With every triumph, with every struggle, with every smile, and every fit of tears the man in my life is there and with me through it all.  My soul believes in people’s goodness and in the true spirit of community.  Living from my heart and soul and not from fear is so refreshing.  It is good to be home building the foundation for my life from my heart once again.  Ahhhhh.

How do we file events in our minds and move on?  Yesterday Jordan Rapp aka RappStar was struck by a vehicle while riding his bike and the driver took off.  I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt.  It very well could have been an accident.  We have all made mistakes, and lucky for us, most of our mistakes haven’t injured or killed anyone.  Knowing what I know about road biking and some driver’s responses to road bikers it could very well have not been an accident.  I have no idea happened with Jordan, but fleeing from the scene, well that is not accident and there is no explanation or excuse that will ever make that OK.  Stop and take care of the situation.  Don’t just leave another human being, spandex clad or not, lying on the ground to die.  Period.  Take responsibility for the mistake.  Taking responsibility for our mistakes makes us more humane and maybe it allows the person injured the opportunity to file the accident in their mind and move on with forgiveness in their heart.   I can only imagine the person who hit Jordan is probably scared shitless.  I would be, but the person should have stopped. That is the real crime.  My heart and thoughts go out to Jordan’s wife and family and wish them strength through this difficult and confusing time.  I have met Jordan twice in my life and both times he has been kind, humble and helpful and my impression of him is that he is a true ambassador of our sport.  Jordan is on his way to being one of the greats in triathlon history.  I hope he has a speedy, full recovery and can get back out there and be everything he is capable of being.

This week I am in Austin TX visiting my sister and it so happens that my good girlie friend Chelsea lives here too.   We were sitting at Genuine Joe’s Cafe catching up this morning and Jordan’s accident came up.  We don’t know for sure what the consequences of hitting a cyclist are, accident or not, but we agreed that stopping, taking care of the injured, and facing the consequences was the only decision.  After a long catching up session we got in her car and headed home along I-35 in Austin Texas.  As we were driving South a guy went running across the Northbound lane in front of a semi and got hit.  Right in front of us.  I watched a man die.   The semi stopped.  All the way back to my sister’s I felt sick to my stomach.  I saw this guy run out in front of the semi.  There was no maneuver the driver could have made to miss this person.  Nothing.  How do I file this event?  How do I put it away and stop seeing the picture in my mind? I took my shower and couldn’t help but think of the poor driver of the truck.  What if no one saw the accident from my perspective?  What if the police thought the driver could have done something differently?  I am unable to file this incident in my mind and move on for the day.  The right thing to do was to call the police and at least tell what I saw.  I am not dramatic and believe me, I don’t like to be involved in drama and do most anything to avoid it.  But I couldn’t help think of this driver and how he must be feeling and I at least wanted to share what I saw to make a more complete version of the story for the police.

I am unsure how to file these events in my mind.   What am I supossed to do with this experience?  Live my life more fully?  Appreciate what I have more?  All the twitter stuff going on about people’s workouts, saying their waitress at dinner last night was incompentent, where people are, what they have, what they don’t have all seems so inconsequential to me right now.  I am a part of that too and it makes me wonder about myself.  What are we really?  Runners?  Triathletes?  Moms or Dads?  Attorneys?  Engineers? Unemployed?  Christian?  Not Christian?  Ultimately we are all human beings.  I wish to embrace my humaness and not connect myself with what I do as who I am but to reach out and connect with others in an intimate more humane way.  Maybe wishing for more for other people I can file tragedy and be settled and calm.  I wish health for Jordan, strength for his wife, compassion for the person who hit Jordan, peace for the truck driver, peace for the man who died today and for his family.

Jordan’s Accident Report

Jordan Recovery Report 3.25.09

Austin Fatality

Great Story-Cyclists and Drivers

Jesse came into our lives almost 19 years ago and yesterday afternoon he died on his own terms. He is the second of many animals we have had over the years who has died naturally of old age. Going through the phases of dying naturally is a much different experience than having to put an animal down. Over the past six months Jesse started eating much less and sleeping much more. His walks became shorter and much slower, but he still enjoyed being outside and would smile the entire time. He was a distinguished gentleman, one of those “one of kind” animals. We will miss you old man and we enjoyed our time together!

Melody and I had the opportunity to get out on our bikes for the entire day!  She called me up and asked if I wanted to ride Shadow Mountain.  Oh I thought, that is a lot of riding for my first ride up into the mountains, but why not really? We decided to meet at the famous Deer Creek and Wadsworth meeting spot, we each had ridden about 7 miles to get there and were both already giddy about the weather being beautiful.  I begin to tell her that at the top of High Grade I would know if I would be able to conquer the entire Shadow Mountain ride (remember people I haven’t been on my bike but 3 or 4 times this entire winter).  If I don’t think I have it I will just turn off and do City View, which for the first time in the mountains would make me VERY HAPPY!  She looks at me with a very confused look and states she cannot recall High Grade being part of the route and she remembers that we go all the way up Deer Creek and head over to Parmalee Gulch.  It hits me then, that Melody wants to do the Epic Loop today.  This is an 80 mile ride with like 10,000 feet of climbing.  For those of you who know me, well you know that I am pretty flexible and easy to get along with.   I do not obligate people to stay with me on rides or run.  I am slow.  I know this and accept it.  I love riding with people and always tell those I ride with…”Don’t feel like you have to stay with me.  I know our route and I know how to change a flat.”   With this being said, I agreed to ride the Epic Loop with Melody on my first trek into the foothills of Denver.

That was the clean version of my story.  However, there is a dirty version.  This is the version that takes place in my head…here goes:  Melody calls.  She wants to ride Shadow.  I am up for a bike ride, but am unsure of actually making it up the mountain because I haven’t been on my bike seriously at all this winter.  I know I can commit to starting the ride, but I am unsure of being able to finish it.  I give myself an out:  City View or if it is really bad Deer Creek.   In my head I do not ride fast.  Really I want to ride fast and climb well, but I know I don’t and so I stay stuck in my own story.  I don’t get to bed until midnight because I was working on my race website.  So I know I haven’t set myself up for success.  My stuff is not set out for the morning.   I set my alarm for enough time to get up, get stuff together, and eat breakfast.  Alarm goes off.  I don’t wanna get up.  Again, I see myself turning around and not finishing the entire ride.  Maybe I am too advantageous for the first trip up the mountain.  All of a sudden my mind says:  ”:ENOUGH!!  We ( yes there is more than one of me…my physical self and my mind…oh wait… there are three of me because I also love my bike shadow…she is perfect) are stronger than this.  You will visualize yourself riding the way you know you can and the way you want to ride.”  I make the decision that before I get out of bed I must create a visualization in my mind of exactly what I want the ride to look like.  Honestly, it takes me about 15-20 minutes to go through each climb and see myself the way I want.  It was not easy.  After finishing the visualization I get up and get ready.  Mel and I meet at Deer Creek and figure out the loop Mel wants to do is really the Epic loop and not the Shadow loop.  I simply say I am committed to the ride and will finish it.

Off we go up Deer Creek.  Ever since I did this climb at 3 in the morning I love it.  Riding it in the dark gave me a whole new perspective on it.  When I couldn’t see what I was climbing it was way easier.   We plug along and get up the first climb.  The day is gorgeous and I know I am lucky to be spending the day on my bike.  It is funny how those of us who train through the winter think it is gorgeous when it is 40 degrees and there is still snow piled on the side of the road.   It was one of those gorgeous days.  I didn’t add more layers and I didn’t shed layers.   It was a little chilly going down the hill but not so cold that you are shaking to your bones.  One climb down and three more to go.  Mel decides she doesn’t need to get the back side of Shadow in today that doing the 3 climbs would be great.  Fine with me, but now there is a choice on how to get back from Evergreen.  I pick Little Cub instead of going up 74.  There is less traffic and it is prettier.  But, it means that we are climbing Little Cub!  I just created a clean version of my ride while actually being on the ride.  Visualization helped me a ton today.

The coolest part about it was that I never even had to think about it again.  It just was. Deer Creek, Parmalee Gulch, Kerr Gulch, Little Cub, and the back side of Deer Creek.  All exactly how my mind made it out to be.  It is a hard ride.  There is no getting around that.  But I am pretty bad ass.  Really, I just rode about 70 miles with about 60 of that being in the mountains with my bad ass friend Melody.  I am going to continue practicing visualization.  It wasn’t easy.  I found myself starting off the vision positively and without really being aware I would find myself seeing exactly what I was scared of seeing.  Starting over each time I found myself there helped me.  Each time I went through the story I got a little further through before finding myself having fear or versions of the story I was not satisfied with.  Being diligent and honoring my bad ass self got me through the process with enough time to get up and get ready.  Thank you to Melody for a great ride and great company, and thank you to my mind for playing along with me today.